For every society to be successful, the fundamentals of the
society have to be strong. One problem we face today is young people do not
know what is a healthy relationship. They want to know. They struggle with
trying to find out why the myth of being in love is such a failure for them.
They look all the time for the right answer, yet it alludes them like trying to
catch up to the horizon. You drive or even sail across a beautiful never ending
open field or desert landscape or calm waters with very gently lapping waves against
the boat towards this far away line that divides the sky from the earth. Yet it
keeps moving or changes over time and then fades into darkness as evening
comes. There is a dream, a point they want to reach, but then the sun goes down
and they are left with another lonely night to contemplate what might have
been.
And it is not their fault, nor anyone’s really because so
many of us grew up not knowing what is a healthy relationship. You know it is a problem because there are so
many books to help you find a healthy relationship. And tomorrow there will be
a new book released upon a public trying to survive in whatever version of a
relationship they feel is the right one for them.
And yet there are answers or even an answer, but we struggle
with it because society runs us away from it. And how we are chased away
depends on who is doing the talking. Liberals will use terms like partnership.
A couple needs to develop a partnership for their relationship. In some ways
there is some truth to that, but that cannot be the foundation of a healthy
relationship. A partnership is better defined for businesses than people in a
relationship. Or women need to have control over their own bodies, which they
do, but that also leads to acceptance of women commoditizing their bodies with
prostitution or pornography. The more a woman has to use these tools for
economic survival shows the more a society has lost track of what is a healthy
woman. Woman should not have to sell themselves to earn a living, no matter how
many people tell you that you are liberated and in control woman by doing so.
The more woman sell themselves the more it shows the economics of that society
are struggling, the values and morals are struggling, the foundations are more
aligned with control of people than people being liberated. Women as a commodity
is just one symptom of a society in decline and you may think things like
OnlyFans help women be liberated because they have control of the situation, I
say quit lying to yourself. Liberation comes from you being respected as a
person.
Conservatives will talk about the need for the family, women
should stay home and be traditional or “trad”
wives. What is a traditional wife? Is it one that stays home and does all the
domestic chores and takes care of the children while the man goes off and earns
the bacon? Honestly only in farm households and suburbia in the 1950’s do/can
we even conjure up that picture. There is no real traditional wife. The era more
determines what the role of the wife has been than some idealistic dream to
make people think that is the correct relationship. So how do you define what
is a healthy relationship in this modern era? Too many people fall for the myth
of the traditional wife without really applying it to today’s world. And just
like prostitution a traditional wife can be commoditized for the benefit of the
man. If the expectation is she is the servant of the man, it is her role to only
please then you do not have a healthy relationship. Yet some on the Christian
right are trying to sell you this perverted notion of a relationship. In no way
shape or form is that the role of a traditional wife. Control of another person
is not a relationship.
And in both cases of a partnership or traditional wife
concept a healthy relationship can be built. The relationship though shouldn’t
be defined by society because society has it’s own morals that could be good or
could be destructive.
Some people can simply say the only reason we have relationships
is to procreate, to continue the species. And yes that is one reason to have a
relationship and if we were still living in the wilderness and had no more
intelligence than animals that might be all we need. We have something more in
our banged up heads and that is a brain that functions differently than
animals. So procreation is not the only reason for a relationship, but in a
relationship you do need to be open to life because for us to continue to grow
both in number and in higher ideals you need to create more life.
And before I go any further I am not going to say I have the
correct answer. Sorry to burst the bubble here, yet it is you that has the
answer for you. The problem I am addressing today is no one helps you to find that
answer. I am somewhat active in life so I speak with many people including
young people and I hear over and over why can’t I find someone.
Or people who think they have found someone and they aren’t
sure why it isn’t working they way they thought much less some perfect dream.
Our society throws so much garbage at us, we lose track of
why we even want a healthy relationship hence we cannot define one. And for a society to be great, become great or
be great again, the foundations of human relationships need to be strong. And
yes that includes families, raising children with values, parents who
understand each other and want to be with each other.
If you talk to anyone in a long term relationship, many will
say you have to choose to love. And yes you do. There are going to be days, you
do not particularly feel like loving your spouse. It happens. The difference is
people understand when you are arguing and need to stop, or choose to love or
others for a variety of reasons do not stop and choose to hate. And once the
underlying separations begin it takes more and more work to coming back to
choose to love. Our society encourages the choosing to hate.
You have to win, you have to be right, they didn’t love you
in the first place your friends will say, how dare they treat you like that
your friends go on, and in being on your side they are not helping you. Sometimes
you will be right, sometimes you won’t, yet both times you need to stop and
walk away and come back to it when you are ready to discuss. Will feelings be
hurt sometimes? Will you have to compromise sometimes? Probably all times is
the answer.
The only way you win is when you both decide what is best
going forward. And the answer yesterday may not be the answer today. Our
society does not tell you that.
And healthy relationships are more than partnerships. You need
the emotional attachment that does not come from a business relationship. Yet
in whatever agreements you make to run your family, make decisions about your
finances they need to be made together and sometimes it will feel like a
partnership.
All in all though we, as a society, spend more time destroying
relationships than building them up. So if you truly want to make America great
or great again, we need to start at home. We need to find ways to support couples
and families. And this is hard. Many of us including myself did not have good
role models. And not because my parents were bad. Both actually were good
individuals, yet both struggled with each other and by the time I was five my
parents were divorced. It took many years for me to even begin to understand I
needed a relationship with someone and it needed to be healthy. And from there
it took many years of marriage to begin to create a healthy relationship. And it
was a struggle, yet for some reason my wife and I kept going. Yet perseverance
by itself is not the answer. How many times have you heard “we stayed together because
of the kids?” And then poof the relationship is gone. Perseverance by itself is
not the answer and is one reason why I know I do not have the answer nor does a
self help book either.
People need to know though they need a healthy relationship
and from there what they do is share it. First with their children and then
with their interactions with others in society.
Again I do not have the answer, yet I can say by showing the
person you want to have a relationship with, you need to respect yourself and
them and then you need to choose to love. So easy to type onto a page with written
words, so difficult to do once much less daily in our current world.
And by chance after you read this, get off the internet and go
talk to someone, give them your love and respect for just a moment. That at
least is a start.
Happy Valentine’s Day
No comments:
Post a Comment