Here is a short story I am working on, please let me know your thoughts and if where I am is recognizable

 

                                                               Did I miss my exit?                                             

 

I parked in a parking lot, for maybe a business. I step out of the car or I feel I do. It is late in the afternoon of a fall day. There are leaves all over the parking lot. There are other cars and maybe some people there, but I don’t feel comfortable especially with the people, yet I cannot put a finger on as to why or exactly where they are in the parking lot. Or are they over by the business or in their cars? When did I stop?

Again, the parking lot is full of leaves, all drenched in bland fall colors, not the bright oranges and yellows you want to see, more of a dull orange or dull light brown. I looked up and the trees were the same way. The canopy of trees is thick so not much sunlight is getting through. All around the parking lot are trees blocking any direct sunlight from reaching the ground. I look over and not sure if the one-story small building I thought I saw still existed. Did I see one?

I continue to look around. Off to one side of the parking lot is a small ravine and then on the other side is a hill that goes up. Due to the trees, I cannot see how far the hill goes up. I think about walking over to the ravine to get a better look, yet just stood still looking at the ravine. It has me fixated for a moment, but for how long I cannot remember or did it? I can not tell.

I turned back towards where I think the business had been, yet there is something there, but now it appears to be more of a mound up against the other side of the parking lot from the ravine. There are trees standing over it and a hill going up behind it with trees going up the side of the hill so you could not see how far it went up.

Not only is the ground of the parking lot covered with leaves, so is the ground all around the parking lot. I turn around and around looking for the entrance to the parking lot or the road that led me here.

The leaves cover the ground going up the sides of the hills on either side of the parking lot. I decide I want to leave so I reached into my pocket for my keys. I cannot find my keys. I walk around or am I walking and now it seems there are less cars and the cars that are there are in states of disrepair and missing doors or other body parts. I look for the people I thought I had seen earlier or had I just felt their presence.

It still seemed like it is late in the day. I can look up through the trees and see blue sky and some light filtering through all the trees. It had that look like the sunlight isn’t directly overhead. I cannot figure which direction the sun is though. I ask myself long have I been there. It cannot be long since it is still light. I start to worry about it getting dark so I begin hunting around where I stand for my keys. I realize I cannot find my keys much less my car.

What happened to my car? I look around the parking lot and now I am not sure it is or was a parking lot. Are there any cars still here? There are leaves everywhere and some stacked high like maybe they are covering something. I look up. It is still daylight and it appears it isn’t changing. I see small amounts of sunlight filter through the trees and glimpses of blue sky through all the leaves. I start to try and figure out why the trees have all their leaves and yet there are so many on the ground. That thought did not hold long. I keep standing in the same spot trying to look for something to orientate myself. I think if I should try to climb one of the hills to get a better sense of my surroundings. For some reason I still stand here. I do not want to say I cannot or unable to walk forward or just not motivated to walk towards the ravine or any of the hills. It seems everywhere I look around there are hills covered with trees so it is hard to determine how high is each hill. All the trees have the same coloring of leaves with that dull orange or light brown. It even appeared they are all the same size, yet I cannot tell if all the trees are the same type. Well maybe some are taller than others, but that did not determine if the classification of the trees are all the same. Now that I have been here awhile, I notice everywhere around me is a forest, not too thick, but seeing off into the distance is hard or up the hills all I can see are trees.

I cannot believe what is happening to me. Yet I don’t feel it like anything is happening at all. How can things stay exactly the same with so much change? Surely there is an answer. Did I get tired while driving and pull over to sleep a moment? Have I awaken yet?  I felt awake. I am consciously thinking and observing my surroundings. So I cannot be asleep and I don’t feel like that dream sense of not controlling your surroundings. I feel I can walk if I want to, but not sure which direction to head. I look for my car again. I must be dreaming and am still in the car so that is why I cannot see it. I try to will myself awake. Otherwise why is the world around me so different from just a moment ago? Surely there is an answer and I just need to collect my thoughts and get going again.

 And as time goes on I keep worrying about what I need to do when evening then night comes. I look up and the sky has the same amount of light it had when I first arrived. I don’t panic about night coming yet, but it is a concern. I try to determine how much light is left in the day. I cannot tell. I know it is still daylight, yet seeing the sky clearly is difficult through all the foliage on the trees overhead. I cannot tell if there is a cloud in the sky or not. The light seems the exact same as when I arrived.

Nothing is stopping me from going anywhere, yet nothing is inspiring me to trek through the forest to climb one of the hills. I want to walk, yet I stand there constantly turning to face one direction then another. The idea that I was once in a parking lot is there, but it has long since disappeared with the building, my car, my keys, the other cars and the people I had thought were there when I first arrived. Now there is just me, some flat ground that was the parking lot. Wasn’t there a ravine on one side? I see some mounds of ground I presume, leaves collected into mounds, the trees and then the hills going up to who knows where. All around me is this same dull color, nothing that stands out, just this constant foliage of dull brown or dull orange giving off the appearance of some contrast, yet very little.  The sunlight continues filtering through to let you know it is still day, but the light of late afternoon only. I cannot believe this is real. Again I think I am in a dream and will wake up soon.

And now I cannot tell if I am disappearing into the environment or just observing it. I wondered why everything around me is evolving or changing, yet time keeps still. This is madness. I need to kick something. I want to hit something. I cannot find anything to kick. I think about kicking the mounds of leaves. I get scared. What if I kick something and hurt my foot? I shouted or I think I shout. There is no echo. I want to scream at everything around me. There isn’t anything to scream. I don’t know what to scream. I run in circles, well it feels such. Why am I not seeing anyone anymore? I feel anger and don’t know for how long I have felt it. I keep wanting to scream and scream and scream. I hear no sound from me. Maybe I hear something faint from far away. Why can’t they hear me scream? What is wrong with this world?  It changes and stays the same no matter I long I stand here. I am not dreaming, this is a nightmare. I try to pinch myself. Wake up I think I yell. I look around and it is still light out, the leaves are all around, the trees are all around and somewhere just past the trees are those hills I need to climb. I get resolute and think I should march there now before it gets late, yet I am scared to leave my spot because all I want is to go home. Frustration wells up inside me as I think about home.  Just let me go home I think I scream.

It still is light, the same light it has always been. I look up. I look down and the light doesn’t change. I think there should be someone around to speak to about where is my car, where am I, where does this madness end and when can I go home? I promise myself whatever caused me to park here I will fix. I just need to find someone to show me what happened. Do I need to call someone to come get me? I still want to scream, yet that doesn’t seem to be an answer to this predicament.  I just need to find someone and then work out the details. This cannot be a problem especially if I find my car. My wallet must still be in it. I feel I am waiting and it never goes away. Waiting for what I ask myself? Somewhere there is a solution so I scream again or I think I do. Am I still asleep? Is that all this is for now? Where in your brain do you go to for your brain to break through this madness? Surely some part of your brain is functional enough to know to create a lifeline out of here. And what is here besides a valley maybe, small one at that, does water run through that ravine I saw earlier, yet cannot see again. Speaking of which, am I thirsty?

I cry. I look at the dullness of the leaves. I cry. I look at the sunlight I cannot see. I cry. I cannot stop crying. I don’t want to do anything. I look through the trees to find the hill I must climb, yet why make the effort. I just stand there for how long. Does it matter if I move? Does it matter about me? Why can’t I wake up?  Why does the day never change, but I feel I am changing? What process of thought must I endure to escape what is in front of me? Why won’t my brain, my synopsis figure something out so I can move.

I don’t want to move. I stare at the dull brown and orange leaves. I see. I smell, not sure what. Or am I smelling? Don’t leaves smell, doesn’t rotting foliage have a smell? I see the leaves on the ground. Shouldn’t they be decaying? I shrink into my brain. Am I not seeing, hearing or smelling because the world around me is disintegrating?  I think this is not my fault.  Whatever happened I hold no accountability. I got stuck. Nothing else happened. The frustration, the anger, the confusion is all gone now. I sit in solace knowing it doesn’t matter anymore.  I sit. I don’t care.

I don’t know how long I sit or am I standing. I just don’t know what is happening. Maybe I will be rescued. I laugh. That is a futile thought. Does anyone know I am missing?  I think of home. Home is beautiful, full of color, off white walls filled with scenic landscape paintings much more distinct than what is around me. There are family pictures, the smell of fried chicken cooking, the laughter ringing from all the rooms as kids play. I love home. How long will it be before I see home again? There is no worry if I can go home. All I need is to go home. Whatever this moment is about, it won’t matter when I go home. I cry missing home, but not a sad cry, maybe a bit sad, yet more of longing and it being too long away.

For some reason I keep waiting for something to happen. At times I get angry again because the world is the same. Everything I first remembered is gone and has been for untold amount of time since the light never changes. Still the same late afternoon feel to the light so why doesn’t it change? Why is it not darker by now? I keep thinking maybe it is a dream, yet it feels like one long dream. Yet isn’t that the way dreams work. There is no time, they just happen and then they are over. I think again maybe this is a dream. I look around. How many times have I done that?  Has time settled into the area where I sit or stand or turn? I don’t know which and trees above me with those annoying dull brown and orange leaves, tads of light filtering through, trees all around and just beyond it appears hills leading upwards. It seems like the world has always been this way.

I look around again. Again nothing changes. I look to see if I have a watch on, I can’t remember if I had one on today. Seems surreal to say today since so much has changed and nothing has changed, but it still must be today since it is still light out.

At times it feels like I need permission granted for me to move around. I don’t know why this feeling is present. I look, I see nothing different. Do I hear a voice? I wait.

What I wait for I do not know.  I sense something coming or is it just wind. I think finally a breeze. I cannot remember feeling a breeze this whole afternoon. It feels pleasant, refreshing. Yes I do feel a breeze. I look up. I don’t know why. Is something or someone calling me. Am I ready to move? Almost, maybe, I think.  I think it would be great to shower. I don’t know why, yet a feeling of cleansing falls over me. I feel elated, fantastic like never before.

I run. I run up the hill. I see the light becoming brighter with each forward motion. I cannot run fast enough. There is no labor to my breath as I run. Everything comes easily as I approach the light coming from the top of the hill. I see the beauty of the light, a beauty that cannot be described. The tears are flowing. They are tears of joy.