Have you ever noticed when you are thinking about either wonderful
things or going into depths of some despair what causes the difference in your
thought patterns? Does it matter your current state of being?
You think of something wonderful, maybe what if your life
had taken a different turn and now everything is roses. Or you cannot find your
way out of the paper bag metaphorically of your brain. Are there subconscious
attributes driving these thoughts? Or are you just daydreaming about nothing.
Is there a good versus evil component to all this? Are those
good thoughts really a smoke screen to hide you from something different. Are
little demons running around in your brain showing you a version of yourself
you think is your best when in reality it is distracting you from actually
becoming your best. You see success, better home life, maybe a bigger house, better
vacations, everyone thinks highly of you, yet you keep wanting more. Are there
days of just growing and glowing dreams that makes you say what if?
We always think that bad thoughts are the evil thoughts.
When you do not think highly of yourself, what does that mean? Does this mean these
are the thoughts the demons are throwing at you to prevent you from overcoming
obstacles and being a better you?
Is it madness to try and even figure this out? If you don’t
believe in God then it may be madness to you. Yet how do you explain all the
pressures in your brain pulling you one way or another. Does the first
paragraph make more sense to you, that it is all just a state of being. And that
if you change your attitude or mindset the thoughts in your head will change.
Yet do they? Or do they change temporarily because you forced it. And is this
forcing it you having control? Or is this a temporary shift that the real underlying
feeling you have will come back and take control.
How do we know? Maybe it does go back to whether we believe
in God or not. And if we believe in God then you do have the demons playing tricks
on you problem. Yet which thoughts are the demons interference? Are they the
good ones or the bad ones or both. Problem with demons is that their sole job
is deception. People keep giving them more power than they have, yet deception
is one powerful power. We see monsters and hell fire, you will burn forever in
some pit, but we do not know. There are a few mentions of pits and grinding of
teeth in the bible, but hard core demons sticking you with pitchforks are what?
The scariest movie I ever saw was the Devil’s Advocate
because to me it best represents the true monster that is the evil one than red
guys in a goatee sticking you in the backend with a pitchfork. Those images
might actually be part of the deception. If you think you are looking for a
monster then when something that appears attractive comes to you then you are
not afraid.
Again deception is the only power those demons possess.
Or going back to that state of being, there is no God and we
are all running around putting smiles on our faces to make sure no one sees us
as scared little children without a purpose. Or there are those that project a
purpose and become successful in some endeavor and think they did it all. If
you are a Christian, you would instead say God did it all and I just did the
action or something similar.
Yet each day your internal reveries run amuck. Sometimes you
run to do lists incessantly through your head trying to accomplish something.
Other days you write down your to do lists and nothing gets down because your
brain synopsis light up like a spring thunderstorm with lightning bolts flying
everywhere. The thunderous roar in your head keeps you from getting one thing
accomplished. You drive through your brain dodging one lightning bolt after
another until it is time to lay your head down and attempt sleep. Of course
then you worry over everything you didn’t complete on your to do list. Sleep
comes hard but your internal thought waves crash upon you tossing and turning
you like rolling around in an unpleasant surf. You would hope the sound of the
waves would gently rock you to sleep, but no since you are waist deep in
turbulent waters of thought sleep evades you. And why do you get so distracted?
Is it circumstances or something else?
So where do you stand? Are you trying to be the best me you
can? Or are you sidetracked by demons real or imagined that haunt your
thoughts? Do you even have a choice in life? Or is free will your only choice?
And what does that mean?
Or am I conflicted because I find myself reading C.S. Lewis’
Screwtape Letters doing Lent?
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