I know doom and gloom everywhere, we are all overwhelmed.
So first definitely want to say for a society this is not as bad as Hurricane Ian or the war in Ukraine. There are people suffering in mass because of those events. They are upfront and in your face and horrible for your brain to digest so we definitely want to show our support, prayers and find ways to do something for those people caught up in those events. And fortunately there are many ways you can help out through donations of money or goods and any we send is going to be greatly appreciated even if you do not directly hear someone say thank you.
Yet for individual families affected by what is coming or they are already going through it will feel just as bad. Some will survive better than others, but for all it will consume time and resources and probably will deplete life savings or keep people from having a life beyond the immediate need.
I am talking about the need for care of a family member stricken with a lifetime debilitating disease. Many will have to turn to something called Guardianships whether for a child that has acute autism or cerebral palsy to caring for a parent who develops dementia or has a paralyzing stroke.
A person in the family may need to rely on “the system” to help them care for their family member. And if is even worse for people who have lost track of their family or never really had one.
And if the person who is very ill has money then there can be family fights over who is in charge of their money.
Sometimes families work it out on their own and a plan of care is developed with the family, the doctors of the infirmed, and other resources and there is no need to get help.
Sometimes for a variety of reasons, families need help and the system we now have in place for help is struggling. Outside care agencies have massive wait lists and no money, the Courts who apply Guardianships are overwhelmed and are struggling to find help or get bogged down with family feuds over the money.
Going from an application for a Guardianship to being appointed Guardian of the person can take anywhere from six months to years depending on the situation and unfortunately how versed the attorney is in these matters. It is a specialized area of law for an attorney to practice. And a guardianship is not something you want as an individual, People are always whining their rights are being taken away because some pretentious person wants them to use common sense. Go get a guardianship then you can tell me about your rights being taken away.
There are very few people who can take on being a Guardian when there is no family member to be the Guardian. If there is money, many times an attorney is appointed to manage the money and an agency or professional manages the actual life of the person needing the guardianship. And again there are very few people who are willing, much less able and trained to take on these matters.
This is just a taste of what many families are going through or will go through. And once someone is under a guardianship, it runs through the life of that person. If it is a child that turns into an adult, what happens when the caregiver adult is so old they need care. This does happen, now you need two plus people to take on the original child, plus the adult(s).
And all this costs money, from day to day care, to health care costs which are high due to the root cause of the illness, to adjusting work or having to quit work, to specialized furniture and equipment, home remodels so they can function, to the high cost of assisted living facilities. And if you pay any attention to the news you rarely hear good things for the facilities. There is always a problem.
The whole point is we need to take better care of ourselves and I mean more than eating your veggies. I am talking about society putting in place better support systems for families in need. And be careful, it doesn’t take much for your life to come crumbling down. As I may have mentioned before, the better half and I spent years taking care of our parents and we were blessed with family, friends, employment flexibility, good knowledge of resources, understanding work mates, and more and we still struggled. I see other families just about fall apart at the seams because they do not have the help we had. And it is sad to talk to someone who hasn’t done anything for years but care for one person because they cannot get the help they need. This and more are happening right now in your neighborhood whether you see it or not. I could go into greater detail, but you do not want me to.
I told the better half this post would be short and it is when you consider there are books on this topic that barely address the problem.
Now that I have depressed the heck out of you, lets finish the story.
....So the customer, the salesman and the owner walked silently down the semi indoor sidewalk to a coffee shop. The owner offered to buy, the customer immediately said he would take care of his own, but with some polite cajoling from the owner and the salesman the customer relented.
They sat at a table near the window and quietly watched people go by, each lost a bit in their own thoughts for the first couple of sips.
The salesman finally broke the ice and said so we know you want a ring, but what we do not know is the who. Tell us about your wife so we can help you pick the right ring.
At first the customer was a bit hesitant to talk, not because he didn’t mind sharing about his wife, he loved her, he had never been asked that question before. Who is his wife?
So thinking about if for a moment, he opened up quite a bit. He regaled the other two with all the wonderful joy she brought to him and their children. All the times she would be mad, but now in a humorous light. All the church activities she seemed to be a part of, the time she put in volunteering, helping the children with their homework and then when grown all the times the times they came to her for help as the matured into adulthood. He laughed if it involved money they still went to her to ask him for them. He spoke of her for close to a hour and realized how much he did know of her. He had never spoken about it to anyone including her. This made him sad and he had to collect himself a moment.
He was very quiet for a bit. Finally the owner gently moved the conversation to a lighter tone and they headed back to the store. The salesman had great ideas and was glad to get to know a new customer. He relished knowing people and to him this afternoon not only promised a good sale, but a good client relationship. His customers were a little bit of his family now so having someone a bit of a peer as a customer felt good. For the moment he did not know how much they had in common.
They browsed the store and the salesman was a bit curious. The customer did not seem in a hurry to get anywhere, yet he could feel a sense of urgency in the matter. The customer settled on a ring and it was beautiful. A combination of colored gems for joy and diamonds for brightness, the customer even expressed this was her. Finally he asked when might you need this ring.
The customer became real silent. And after a long pause said tomorrow.
Why tomorrow? Is it your anniversary? Are you leaving on a trip and want to have it for the trip? And just so you know she can always bring it back to be sized.
The customer said I think I may have mentioned this when I first came in, that I wanted a ring she could wear to her grave. This ring is it and her funeral is tomorrow.
