“contemplate your death”

what the heck? someone suggested I contemplate my death, and actually there is a larger context involved, but when that person said contemplate your death and I took it in a vacuum for the first moment, it was a bit overwhelming.

And this follows the fact I was significantly ill for a couple of weeks and was taken to a hospital via ambulance at the start of being sick. I won’t go into all the details, but I am here typing so take that for a good sign. I still tire easily and have lingering issues, but overall am back to work and other endeavors. so when I was told to contemplate my death recently I was in a place where I can. Or at least I hope I can.

And the actual contemplation is a personal journey,  for now though we can talk about the process of contemplation. I don’t even like that sentence even as I wrote it.

And what does it mean to contemplate your death? Does this mean think about how I want to die and that one is actually easy. I prefer to live much longer and die peacefully in my sleep. Unfortunately we do not get to choose our natural death, whether it be from falling off a building to a car crash to illness in our sleep or what ever the case may be. 

And what is natural death? Is it living long and dying peacefully? Is it any type of death not self inflicted? And is either consciously or subconsciously self inflicted death a non natural death? Shoot can a person decide they want to die and so they start not looking both ways when they cross the street?

Or do you look at the religious view that when I die am I going to heaven or not? 

Or do you look back at your life and determine whether you led a good life in general and did you impact others or improve someone else’s life in a good or productive way? And does that lead you to heaven. Were you a Saint or had Saint like life or is purgatory going to be a long ride?

We never know, but maybe we should contemplate our death much sooner than when you reach my age? Depending on your worldview much can be accomplished just by this contemplation. And of course does it change the way you live? Or hopefully it doesn’t change it much if you have done well for others. And subsequently is there a way to change your life by contemplating your death. On the surface you would think so, but until a person goes deep into the recesses of their neuron pathways of their brain they will not know. 

And does that contemplation need to fulfill profound philosophical thinking? I actually think not. It takes some self awareness and some honesty, but you can leave the philosophers in the books. Do you pull out the family Bible and find chapter and verse that answers your questions? Or do you get bogged down in the study of worship and not really reflect on your death?

I am still struggling with finding the inner strength to go down this path, yet I am feeling pretty confident that over time I am going to delve into this piece by piece. I do not think it has to be done all at once. You just have to set an internal compass in this direction and over time the path will be laid out for you. I would make it a point to put some effort to it since you want to have this resolved before you die. 

And it would be nice if the Dallas Mavericks would contemplate playing defense or putting forth effort for the full 48 minutes of a game. They just aren’t good enough to coast at any point and they are beginning to frustrate me to death.

And whose says editors don’t matter, after reading over this for a moment I have switched back and forth between the first and second person you must be  dizzy. And I am not resolving this issue, you, as the reader, get to claw your way back to standing upright and hope the room stops spinning. I will probably die due to indecision.

Cheers